Husband AND Wife

Wife: Zara Kitchen se Namak lete aana,
.
Husband: Yaha to koi Namak nahi hai,
.
Wife: Mujhe pata tha, Tum to ho hi Andhe,
Kaamchor ho,
.
.
.
Ek kaam dhang se nahi kr sakte, Bas bahane
banaate ho, Zindagi me kuch to kaam karo,
.
Tumhe nahi milega, Isliye pehle hi le aayi thi,
.
Husband shocked!

Husband - Wife 
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. -- Sacha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.-- Anonymous

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"

Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.-- Sigmund Freud

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

Anonymous

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.' -- Sam Kinison

'I've had bad luck with both my wives.
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.' --- James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Patrick Murra

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.... -- Nash

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --- Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met. --- Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. -- Rodney Dangerfield

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.


Two girlzz were playing chess
(joke doesn't end here).
.
.
.
girl 1- Chal yaar bas karte hain, pak rahe hai.
.
girl 2: Haan yaar, waise bhi tera sirf haathi
bacha hai aur mera sirf ghoda.
.
.
The joke doesn't end here either
.
.
.
Phir waha ek ladka aata hai.
.
Boy: Chalo girlzz, chess khelate hai.
both girlzz:
Nahi, tum to hume aasanise hara
doge.
.
.
.
Boy: Chalo yaar. Tum dono aur mai akela.
.
both girl:Phir bhi hum haar jayenge
.
Boy :Okay, mai left hand se khelunga.
.
.
.
both girlzz:
Haan. yupee Phir thik hai...
The joke still doesn't end.
.
.
.
Dono obviously haar jate hai aur ladka
whan se chala jata hai.
.
girl 1:Badi sharmanaak baat hai, yaar. Left
hand se bhi hara diya usne.
girll 2 (thoda sochne k baad ):
Abe bewkoof bana gaya woh hume.
.
.
.
girl1:Kaise?
girl 2:Wo lefty hi hoga.....


"Shahjahan"tha bevkuf
jo banaya itna mahanga
TAAJ,
TAAJ ki jagah ugaata
Pyaaj.
Aur rakhta utne paise bank me aaj,
To itna aata byaaz ki
Roz aati nayi "Mumtaaj"
Bridge & wall are made with the same material,
But
Bridge joins the people &wall divides people.
Choose the right one.


Wife On Husband's Birth'day:
Kya Gift Dun.?
.
HUSBAND: 
Pyar Se Dekha Karo. 
Izzat Karo. 
Tameez Se Baat Kiya Karo. 
Yehi Kaafi Hai.
.
WIFE: 
Nahi. Main To Gift Hi Dungi..!

Q. What do yhou call a fat lady waiting for a bus?
A. Moti-vating !!!

Q.What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE?
A. Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai......
Doosri bigadti hai to 'SHUROO' ho jati hai

Q.Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai.
A. Man : Hoga, zarur hoga; 25 saal se mera khoon jo pee rahi hai


Q. Ek admi ne sadhu se kaha, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upaaye bataiye.
A. Sadhu bola , Upaaye hota to main sadhu kyoon banta?😛

() Husband : (calls up Hotel Manager from Room) Please Come Fast, I am Having an Argument with My Wife & She Says She will Jump from ur Hotel Window.

() Manager : Sir, I am Sorry, But this is ur Personal Issue.

() Husband : arre ! The Window's not Opening. This is a Maintenance Issue ..

Msg to wife.....

Meri piyari bivi !!!
Sawaal kuchh bhi ho,
Jawab tum hi ho.
Rasta koi bhi ho,
Manzil tum hi ho.
Dukh kitna hi ho,
Khushi tum hi ho.
Armaan kitna hi ho,
Aarzu tum hi ho.
Gussa jitna bhi ho,
Pyar tum hi ho.
Khwab koi bhi ho,
Taqdeer tum hi ho.
Yaani aisa samjho ki,
Fasaad Kuch bhi ho,
Saare fasaad ki jadd,
Sirf tum hi ho..

Himmat hai to apni wali ko bhejna...... !!!!!!

Golden words by a wise man:

"If you want to change the world, do it when you are a bachelor. After marriage, you can't even change a TV channel..." 


Wife:Bataao Tumhe Mein Kitni Achchhi Lagti Hu?

Husband:Bahut Jyada.

Wife:Fir Bhi, Kitni?

Husband :Itni Ki Dil Chahta Hai Tumhari Jaisi 2-3 Aur Le Aau..!!


Normally A Man speaks 25000 words Daily & Woman speaks 30000.

But d Problem starts When Husband comes Home after finishing his 25000 words Wife starts her 30000 😇

🔄
Listening to wife is like reading the terms & conditions of website.
You understand Nothing, still you click
"I Agree"......!!

🔄
Wife: Suno ji, Doctor ne muje ek mahina aaram ke liye switzerland ya paris jaane ko kaha hai.
Hum kaha jayenge?
.😕
Husband: Dusre Doctor ke paas..

🔄
Papa : why is your mummy sitting silently today.
Son : nothing papa. She asked for lipstick and i heard fevistick.
Papa: (with tears in eyes) god bless you son.

🔄
Hubby Ke B'day Par Wife Ne Pucha-
Kya Gift Dun??

Hubby:-
Tum mujhe Pyar Karo, Izzat Karo aur Mera Kehna Maano...Yahi kaafi hai...!!

Wife:-
(Kuch Der Soch Ke)
Nahin Main To Gift Hi Dungi.

🔄
I argued... She argued...
I shouted... She shouted and then she cried

Result: she won by duckworth lewis method


🔄
Chess is the only game in the world,
which reflects the status of the husband.
the poor king can take only one step at a time ...
While the mighty queen can do whatever she likes.
-------------

🔄
Why do most indian women request 4 the same husband,
in the next life.?..
Arre..itni mehnat se trained kiya hai..
waste thodi jane denge! 👝👛👓🎽
-----------

🔄

Getting married is like giving
.
.
.
.
.
"Your own Supari"..

-------------------------

🔄

All Men are Brave,
Horror Movies don't Scare them....
But 5 Missed Calls from Wife ..surely does
😎

🔄
🚦Whats Checkmate?

U tell ur wife I saw a lady, looked xctly like u"
&
wife asks "WAS SHE HOT..??"
U cnt say 'no'
U cnt say 'yes'
Dats Checkmate.! 

🔄
STOCK MARKET EFFECT:
Depressed Husband to his fat wife:
"You are my only investment,
that has doubled.'' 🙈🙉🙊😟